ahhhhhhhh i dont know why.
i just feeel so empty.
raaahhhh, am i missing him ?
lol, zzzz, sunday also work D:
hais, sian sian.

nevermind, met him yesterday night.
haha he damn funny x)

<3




im so looking forward to tomorrow luh !
going for service, bringing nenque along to church
really really hope that she'll make a right choice ;)
and then she's staying over !
whoots <3

thank god for having her as a friend, though we had loads of misunderstandings through our friendship these THREE years.

friends forever!




hais, and now shes apologising to me.
she's really sorry, i can tell.
but, i know i should be open-hearted (?) and forgive
but i cant forget whatever she did.

!@#$%!@#$%
why did she apologise?
i'd rather she leave things the way it is.
perhaps i could, but now ..
its too sudden, i really ...
i dont know.

hais, really really hope god can make this choice for me.
afterall, shes my jie.
ahhhh, all the more shes my jie, and shes doing that?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
someone, help me please.




i didnt expect things to turn out this way,
she may dislike me alot, hate me for all she can,
but i just want her to know that she shouldnt be so sensitive.

i know maybe the elmo and cookie monster stuff may be a lil overboard.
but tk told me, he's very close to alot of girls too.
and yinzhi doesnt do anything.
and its like i call him cookiemonster and he calls me elmo, she gets so jealous that she starts cutting herself ?
starts crying so much ?
its not like, i start going out with him one-to-one ?

i dont know what have i done to make her so agitated.
she stayed up till 8am to think why she disliked me so much.
just bcos i emailed tk, and asked him to study hard ?
my heart really aches, im trying very hard not to sms, not to msn, contact him in any form.

i dont know how much more can i bear.
all the memories came flowing in while i had my bath a few minutes ago.

the times i was so happy whenever he said ********************
the times i was happy and touched till i cried when he gave me my birthday present.
the times he calmed me down when i was so agitated
the times i was down, he was always there for me, encouraging me, tolerating my temper
the times i squeezed my brain juice and shopped for his bday gift
the dreams i had with him
the times i was so excited when i was going to meet him

these things aint gonna happen, anymore.
let my heart bleed




yep, gng for camp in 2 days time ?
havent started packing, and theres so much stuff that i need to bring.
i dont have this, dont have that.
gotta buy this and that /:
ugh think im gna skip service tmrw, doubt my parents would allow me to go anyway /:

ugh left the 2 pinnafores that janice gave me in the LRT
called SMRT, they said that their office is closed
and i have to call back on monday
and im having camp on monday HELLO ?
zzzz

and my mother's like comparing me with others ?
like, how high pple can get for their results and etc.
and she doesnt want to get facts right, no wait, she doesnt trust me, she'd rather trust what my other friend said?
i mean like, ive already tried my best.
okay maybe i didnt, but at least i improved ?
i remained in the special stream ?
thats smth to celebrate, instead, what i get was comparison, is this fair ?
man, this sucks /:

ugh, i dont know if shes being over sensitive, or im the one with the problem.
its like, 'cos she quarelled with tk during o lvls, so what i wanted, was just to motivate tk and want him to score well for o lvls.
sent him emails and asked him to work hard. is that wrong ?
and now yinzhi saw everything in his inbox, and she got so angry /:
she warned me if i contact tk again, there'll be no such things as shes my jie.
okay seriously, in the first place, i didnt really want to be her mei X:

she said that tk promised her not to contact me, but he still did.
and i promised her not to contact him, and i still did X:
and her links used to link me as ' gwen; meimei <3 '
and now its just like one plain ' gwen ' ?
i know, im part of the cause.
aaron said shes trying to gain attention ?
i dont know luh.
she goes around tagging people saying im so sad! or smth.
i mean, if you are, who would go arnd telling pple im so sad?
i mean, it doesnt make any sense?

on the other hand, if im in yinzhi's shoes, i might be jealous.
but not to this extend, maybe i would just tell tk ?
tell tk that i wouldnt want him to be so close to her ?
i mean, he would understand right ?
ahhh and she's like, saying, ' i know you're blaming me for causing you to lose a friend, you can have your friend back, but if you want me back its up to you'

is she trying to blow the matter up?
its just an email, hello ?
ugh ....

and like, i dont want anybody to know that im actually feeling like this.
in fact, i dont really wanna care.
but, im kinda the cause of it luh
im not sure if i wanna contact tk anymore, but ...
ahhhhhhh, zzz peaceout -

i guess i'll take one step at a time, and see what happens




.....
yes fine, im jealous.
whatever.
i finally understand how pw felt that time.
/:
nevermind, perhaps its retribution.

bahhhh, today was precamp training.
quite fun, though i hate the axemanship ( or whatever you spell it )
tmrw's outdoor cooking! :D
sheeesh.
i hope yihui doesnt come X:

wolin's cheer :
dont mess with the best, 'cos the best dont mess
dont fool with the cool, 'cos the cool dont fool
dont mess, dont fool,
'cos wolin is gonna rule! :D :D




my fucking tolerance has its limits
shes driving me crazy
shes treats me like a retard
and tells me stupid stuffs that i already know
and she keeps emphasising until i say yes
shes nagging till i dont feel like answering her
so i nod, but she doesnt care, she just wants me to say YES
sometimes i get so sick until i just stare at a certain object for a long time until i lose all my senses

and now, sengchuan wants me to shut the fuck up
whats wrong with him really
hais, am already moodless and have to settle this fucking thing

am arguing with nenque now cos of sengchuan
like, wtf ?


where were you when i needed you the most